I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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