I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
someone threw a dead crab at me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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