Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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