I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
