Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
