Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she was so not down for the gang bang
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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