They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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