My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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