i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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