I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
