It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
