I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
