lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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