they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
