I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
