How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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