I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just pee around me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
