I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
