Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Randomize
