I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
