I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
