So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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