my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize