belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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