Little spoons don't ask big questions
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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