a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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