Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
