I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
