I want to have your abortion
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
