At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
