I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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