My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
