I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
