If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
