i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
