If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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