How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
