Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
