i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
