I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
