we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
