false alarm. still invincible.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want nice things and good sex
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize