I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
