also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
