I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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