were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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