Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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