There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
