just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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