do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize