You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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