Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
