Your dad touched me again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
