he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
