Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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