i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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