I'm lost and stupid without you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
