If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize