I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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