problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
