I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
