I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
