Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
