are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are the jesus of drinking
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize