my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
