Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
