Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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