Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A+ Viking dick
I think people are normalizing furries
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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